Yup, I know, I didn’t update you at all on here while I was at Bethel. Truth is there was just no time. When I did have downtime I was either hanging with my new pals or trying to wrap my head around all that was happening.
This year has been tough in so many new ways. As I navigated through muddy immigration waters I was also hit with some really painful situations with leaders in my life. I wasn’t gonna lose my heart again so I retreated. I didn’t feel safe in church, I didn’t feel safe in large groups of people. I just wanted to be home and lean on a few friends. And while my feelings were valid the devil is a sneaky sneak and pulled one on me. He made me believe I was not wanted or cared for. He blinded my eyes to all the goodness and good people around me and made isolation seem so warm and fuzzy. So. I walk into worshipU with alllll of that baggage. And God met me there and took all of it and who knows what He did with it but I ain’t carrying it no more.
Below is an excerpt from my journal on 7/20/17:
“On Monday Stef talked and said some of us had to physically step out of work our old self. So, I stepped out. As I took a step forward I saw a snakeskin, an empty shell of Maria on the chair behind me. It was lacking color and vibrancy, it had no life, it was slumped over.